So, I know last year I said I wasn’t doing resolutions – I was just doing goals (ultimately the same thing, right?) More and more people do that, I think – shrug off resolutions as an overrated thing that are made and broken year and year (true enough!). Therefore, in an attempt to fit in, I occasionally refuse to do resolutions. But secretly? I love them. And you know what I love about them? Nothing too unique. Just that it’s a legit excuse for a new start. Again. While the middle of the year, it may feel silly and perhaps useless (at least for me) to be like, Okay, I messed up the last three months, I’m going to start again, no one few people ever laugh at you for doing that on the new year. It is a time of fresh starts and perspectives. My goals are the same as last year – losing weight, writing more, being a better Christian – but every year I get back that motivation that I seemed to have misplaced throughout the year and I think – Okay, maybe this time. Not saying I shouldn’t try harder during the year – but I am goal and list oriented, and New Years feels like my ISTJ/Type 1’s time to shine. I should probably just embrace the fact I love that, and move forward with the same resolutions year after year without being embarrassed to admit it.
When I think over last year, I feel like rather a failure. I did succeed in losing weight – temporarily – and then gained it back during the holidays. And I submitted nothing for publication. And I only wrote on a regular basis every now and then. I didn’t study a new language. I did move forward in my career – in a rather unexpected direction – but that is it. I don’t have an excuse for any of it except lack of discipline. (Perhaps that should be my overall goal this year – installing discipline!)
I make no false promises to myself or God this year – I know that more than likely I will fail again to fulfill all my goals – but that isn’t going to stop me from making them and from trying – again and again. And one thing I am especially going to try to commit to – is to try not to be afraid to be myself. Not to adjust my opinion to fit in with other people – but to realize that it is okay to have my own view of things. Many people don’t think I struggle with that – but every single time I hear someone express something, I instantly start to rationalize why they are right in my head, assuming I am wrong or should adjust my thinking. It is a constant struggle that I hope to someday get the better of.
So here’s to a new year, resolutions, lists, schedules, perfectionism, not being afraid, and trying again and again.
Forest Idylls 