It is a cold, dreary day outside, and I woke with the depressed feeling of knowing it was time to trudge off to work once more, where I can expect at least four emails telling me what I did wrong this time. In case you didn’t notice, I don’t take criticism very well. I know, I know – it is a part of the job, and a part of making a deliverable client-worthy – but, I still feel like an utter failure if I see so much as one red mark on a comma I forgot. Something I am working through with God. Sometimes I can handle it better than other days. And some days – I just feel like if I am given one more correction, I will just melt into the floor and never return. So, as I sit in my little cubicle, and try to get up the courage and energy to get my day started, when all I really want is to curl up in bed with hot chocolate and book and watch the rain drip down the sill, I began, as I usually do in these moods, ruminating on where I am in life, and why I haven’t found a job I actually like going to yet. I do believe there is a job out there for everyone – something you are made to do, that you actually don’t mind going to – but some days, I wonder how you are ever supposed to find that job?
As I often do, when I am feeling down, I was browsing random quotes in hopes of hitting one that would so exactly fit what I was feeling that I would feel better. Well, I hit this one:
Aaand – felt convicted. I know it is natural to feel down in the dumps sometimes, or to get emotional or restless, or whatever it is I am getting, but, I also know I have so many blessings in my life that I tend to just skip over when I am down. I know that my first reaction should be to go to God in prayer and ask Him to help me through hard days, but I find myself shying away from that – partially, I think, because a tiny part of me likes being angsty. It does make such better posts, doesn’t it? But, that aside, it HAS been a long time since I have looked at all the blessings I have in my life. So, this is me, trying to be joyful even when I am down, and learning to count my blessings even when I am stuck in a little cubicle doing a job I hate.
1. That I even HAVE a job.
2. That I have a husband who never loses patience with me even when I am moody, and will hold me without making me talk or buy me flowers and chocolates just to make me feel better.
3. That I have an adorable little apartment to go back to every night.
4. That I have money to visit family for the holidays.
5. That I can see the beautiful world around me, including the rain pouring over the countryside, unlike the poor blind man on the metro today, who still seemed kind and cheerful despite that.