It has been two whole years since I have written in this blog. And almost as long since I have written anything at all. Truly, I have little idea of what I plan to write in this post – I only know that when I happened upon an old conversation that led me back here, I was saddened to see the dust that had settled over the journals of myself and my friends.
Ironically, I am again listening to Barry Manilow at this moment (see below post). 😛 So I guess some things haven’t changed. And yet so much has. Reading over my old posts, I have two comments. 1: I truly have a poetic soul and a talent for writing sad words. 😛 2: Since I have met, and, yes, married, the love of my life, those sad feelings expressed in the below posts are so far away that I have scarcely a memory of them. So there is a rainbow after a storm after all. 🙂 I hardly ever even have nightmares anymore! Well, depending on your definition of nightmares. I think they are technically bad dreams, but I wake amused at another dramatic dream rather than frightened a majority of the time. Daniel thinks it is just because my imagination desperately needs an outlet for all the stories floating around inside of me, and has been encouraging me more and more to spend some time writing.
Why haven’t I written in the past two years? One word: Life. I got engaged December 2012, married August 2013, and switched jobs somewhere in between. For those of you who don’t know it yet, planning a wedding, being in love, and being newlywed takes a lot of time up! Daniel and I are celebrating 10 months of marriage in a few days, and what a wonderful 10 months it has been! Other than random work assignment requirements (they insisted I obtain my Certified Associate in Program Management during my first 3 months of marriage – I may never forgive them for that), we have essentially spent the time cuddling on the couch, going on dates, learning how to work a budget together, and figuring out how our different backgrounds affect how we communicate with each other. 🙂
For those of you who missed it, the wedding was a dream come true! Thanks to God blessing me with a new job and significant raise, we were able to afford the wedding of my dreams. An outside ceremony, seated and catered dinner, lots of dancing! My only regret is that it rained before and after the ceremony, so other than the family pictures, Daniel and I really have very few pictures of just us at the wedding. But I guess there wasn’t much to be done about that.
The honeymoon consisted of a cruise to the Bahamas interspersed with some awesome excursions! After doing nothing but sleeping for the first two days (planning a wedding is EXHAUSTING!) we went to Disney World in Florida, where Daniel managed to get us breakfast in Cinderella’s Castle! In Nassau, we got to pet and hug dolphins, and in Freeport, we went jet skiing! So many great memories! I am so richly blessed.
Sometimes I find it difficult not to be working desperately toward something – a masters degree, a new job, really anything my mind can think of that maybe I should be working on. I have been so stressed and always working toward something for so long that I struggle with guilt sitting on a sofa or next to a pool doing nothing but enjoying life and an idyllic evening. But then Daniel tells me how much he loves being able to just hold me and do nothing else, and says he thinks God is giving me some sunshine and down time after my emotionally difficult teen/early adult years. I think he is right. 🙂 That is not to say I am not stressed any more. I find myself significantly more stressed and upset about my job than is actually necessary, which is an symptom, I am sure of being addicted to stress. I even find myself struggling with what they call “leisure sickness,” which essentially means I get sick every time I go on vacation because my body is trying too hard to de-stress and lets its guard down. But I am working on it, and with my husband’s help, I think I will eventually learn to let go of the need for stress in my life. 🙂
So, I have found myself stricken with nostalgia a lot lately. For the Gibson Girls, the old outlet for all of our writing needs/escapes from our lives. For old friends I find it hard to stay in contact with. For Guilford or the cabin in the mountains. I know we all are busy with our grown-up lives, but I think it would be good for us to make a point to talk again. Maybe a chat every couple months? Or something? If there is one thing I lack in my life out here, it is friends. Daniel says he is praying for me to find a friend. 😛 Ashley is out here and a great friend, but she has other friends too – something I probably should as well. Every now and then a lonely feeling creeps over me and I wish I had a girlfriend I could just invite over to watch Pride and Prejudice or go shopping with or – anything. Abby has all her friends in Colorado and Rissa – well, I haven’t talked to Rissa in so long I don’t know what is going on in her life, which is sad in and of itself! I am so sorry, my friends, for sinking within my life and forgetting to keep up with you all! I am trying to get better, truly, and remember that there is so much more to life than career advancement and keeping a perfect house. 🙂 But I am sure I am not the only one who has that underlying desire for the old group of friends and comradery. Wouldn’t it be fun to schedule a night that we all have tea and watch Pride and Prejudice, Jeeves and Wooster, or The Importance of Being Ernest while we chat online?
Anyway – that is about all I can think of. And I really have to get back to work before I get in trouble. 😛 Looking forward to “seeing” you all soon!