Since my last post (other than the awesome NaNoToons I just shared) was all down-in-the-dumps-self-pity, I figured I should give you guys an update sooner than I usually do.
After a semi-good nights sleep, I felt worlds better the following day. But, my husband being the darling person he is and generally able to tell what I need better than myself, insisted on bringing me to a wine/coffee bar that evening for a few hours, where he brought a book and left me alone with my wine, headphones and writing. It was so refreshing! And once I had sleep and writing and all that, I felt much better about life ahead.
I really do want to pursue a career – I’m not ready to give up on that yet, even if I am pursuing my writing more seriously. The problem is, I am not ready to go after it with a vengeance right NOW! And I have this coworker who is taking all these trainings, is upset she isn’t a manager yet even though she’s only been in the job for two years, and is pressuring me to get going on my own goals. And I don’t like being pressured. Unless the pressure is from God. I get that.
She is trying to get me to sign up for a mentorship program, and ask about classes I want to take and talk to people about getting into the intelligence community and in general assumes that because she is in a hurry to reach her goals, I am too. But – I’m not. I mean, I am in a sense. But not right now. We just won the contract, holidays are coming up, and I’m enjoying extra time to write. And time at home. I’m just not in the pursue-it type of mood. So, you know, being a people pleaser, I thought that she would think I was a failure if I didn’t express more interest, which has contributed to me being anxious. But I’ve decided I don’t really care and unless God tells me to do it, I’m not going to be gung-ho about my career goals until next year. Even if I am turning 30 and time is running out for me. But that’s neither here nor there.
So yeah. End result – I’ve realized again that the world is not ending and it’s okay to just relax sometimes.