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Provision

So one step I took partially last semester, but especially earlier this semester is starting to tithe again. It was one of those really hard steps to take, because it is such an easy thing to brush off, and I felt like I desperately needed the money. But God convicted me that if I was truly trying to learn to trust Him again, one of the best ways I could show it was by tithing, thereby showing Him gratitude for all He has given me, as well as taking what seemed an ultimate step of faith by giving up money I desperately needed.
Much to my shock, in spite of that 10% missing, I still always had the money to pay my bills – and then some. In fact, I seemed to start struggling less with money than ever before, though, of course, I still always worried. One of the most tempting times to skimp on giving tithes and offering always came on paycheck day, when I had a new $200 in the bank, still needed $200 to pay my bills, and I knew that 10% would take away a whopping $20 of that $200. But, with God’s help, I managed to stay very faithful with my tithes and offering this semester – probably the only thing I was faithful about in my life. And, guess what? Always, and I mean always, I had more than enough to make my bills. Even when I didn’t work for 2 weeks because I was sick, a bunch of extra babysitting jobs suddenly came up, and I still made it.
And then, this April, a new level of temptation came. I got $1000 back for tax returns, over which I nearly sobbed with relief, because this would mean I could afford to drive home. And then I remembered that I still had $1200 to pay for summer credits – due in a month. There was no way I could afford that. And the thought of taking out $100 of the thousand for Tithes was excruciatingly painful. After a short battle with myself, I did it, though. And within a week, the most amazing sign of God’s provision yet this semester came.
An unexpected grant came through to assist with my summer credits, not only paying for ALL of it, but giving me $73 extra.
And I suddenly realized that I could trust Him. Like, He would always be there. He would bring me what I needed. I didn’t really have to worry over anything. I should be responsible with what He had decided to entrust me, but why was I always terrified about not having enough money? He had more than demonstrated His ability to take care of me over the semester.
Maybe, just maybe, it is time for me to take a few more steps in this direction called Trust, and allow Him to care for me without fear.

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